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Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated my journal in a while. I have been on at the library every week. I just didn't really want to fill up the feed with useless stufff about how sad my life is, haha.

That's why I'm going to try and keep it happy and hopeful from now on. I'm at my best friend's house right now. I'll probably going to be putting in a few job applications and some other things.

I do have one bit of bad news. I'm not going to Yamacon. That is a little bit unfortunate, but it isn't my fault. I was also kind of expecting something to screw up. But it doesn't effect me all that much. I really wanted to go, but it isn't extremely disappointing.

SOOO... Some good news on the creative fronts.

Throne of Lips is actually 95% finished. Just need to draft three more songs and it'll be finished.

I can't say the same for Dreampunk or Miss Congeniality, but they're technically halfway finished, or close to halfway.

TRASHPOP and Bad News are also more than halfway finished. The progress on That Boy is Dead is kind of slow, but it is probably going to be my favorite work, and really, it is very raw. I am barely drafting some of the songs on it.

As for non-lyrical poetry, you guys will probably at least get two poems. The two I know you guys will be getting is: Pharmacy and Chanel No.5. Others you may be getting is: Egoiste by Chanel, I didn't know freedom was a motel ceiling, and Shiny Red Corvette. I have others but I am not sure about them as I am about these.

Prose. I've been lazy on working on prose.

Though I do feel like writing some really epic things.


First, the most important, is Insatiable Anorexia. I promise at least three chapters. Though that may be the most I can promise, since I need a Facebook account to see how it works and use that to further the story. But I know what I want to do with it and where everything is going.

Secondly, DYSE. I am thinking about reviving it. I am rather obsessed with it and keep going back to it in my head. I really want to write it and maybe finished it. Though I am tempted to keep it off of dA and write it private and publish it online. Or maybe write the "drafts" for dA and change a few things for the actually published novel.

Thirdly, The Strife. Or also, my new Smash Brothers fanfic. While I am doing some random writing here and there, I really want to wait on it until I have SM4SH. Though honestly despite the fact that the game is supposed to be more cartoony and other things, this is seriously going to be really adult in some parts. I blame Stephan King as my main influence of writing. But there is some creepy stuff here. Though I want to keep some surprises, here is some stuff to look forward to:
The reappearance of Young Link.
The female villager will emulate Joanne Rivers ("Can we talk?").
Professor Layton.
The moon from Majora's Mask will also be reappearing. With a dramatic entrance, I may say.
PEACH STEALTH SKILLS.

Okay that is all you guys are getting.

I am working here and there on smaller stories, but really I am lazy.

DRAWINGS, YES?

I decided to take up drawing everyday this month... or drawing 31 pictures across this month.

But when I start uploading thing, I'll be uploading everything in chronological order, so you'll actually be able to tell my progress, starting from the stuff I made in the January of this year and little bit before that.

As for photography... Yeah just expect that to explode when I finally am able to upload that.

For some recent non-art news, I have become obsessed with DRAMAtical Murder and DRAMAtical Murder: Reconnect. Like, oh my god, they are so amazing, everyone has to get them. Now. DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE CENSORED PENISES, DMMD IS AMAZING.

Also, I've finally go to download and listen to Ultaviolence by lana Del Rey. Amazing album, though different from both Born to Die and Pradise, so it understandble if you do not like it. Also I have the soundtrack to DMMD. Also amazing.

I've been able to download some anime. Papa to Kiss in the Dark and Gakuen Heaven. I thought I'd feel more ashamed about Papa to Kiss in the dark, but honestly, the amount of sex in it is kind of overexposed. And it isn't graphic.

And to end this journal... I present you guys some of my favorite GIFs.

https://33.media.tumblr.com/ea0a44679d2257977e1365e909a8562a/tumblr_nd5vllLvYq1r6vy8ho2_250.gif photo Who_zps927776d3.gif

https://31.media.tumblr.com/8e473fe722f846f79f5da6cd386a38cf/tumblr_inline_n3a67gLi841soi798.jpghttps://24.media.tumblr.com/87e9d785c2e0e5f6f872a7bdd0f2459a/tumblr_mp7tttaPKg1rr9hnvo6_r2_250.gifhttp://media.tumblr.com/89e9e1772745e8f9a1493bbf6fce155d/tumblr_mowstb0Z1z1r7t6nko1_400.gif
http://media.tumblr.com/c014399f361b0d6d25943a2f3dd87f3f/tumblr_inline_mx8n27zLwb1qif8ex.gif
http://24.media.tumblr.com/61a6832476a5385599ba11dfb4f50197/tumblr_mouuifEh541qg479eo1_500.jpghttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpc4v17hit1qbvovho1_500.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/7b2d735992b7ca8975f8dae25922de2a/tumblr_msrxxnMPsW1rvvk8yo1_500.gifhttp://media.tumblr.com/df2f3e9d97bac692178e2362e7d4e0d2/tumblr_inline_mu1bjivS931qkidaw.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/16117a04f0a7bf78f965b882474ee148/tumblr_ml6cjgUFYh1rf12uto1_250.gif
I'm doing a little bit better since last Saturday.

I'm sorry I scared you guys, but when my mom yelled at me, I kind of broke down internally.

There two ways things break in this world.

You break outward, with lots of shrapnel that kills everyone. You can also break inward, and collapse into yourself. While it is possible to break both ways, the amount of pieces left for you to pick up depends on how you break and the combination.

Instead of breaking outward with shrapnel that kills and slices, I had collapsed inward, breaking into myself.

It's hard to rebuild what you can't see, you know? You don't know where the pieces are, you can't move them, you don't know how fast you're healing. You don't know a lot of things.

I still hate my mother. I hate her more than anything in this world. I have sacrificed for her, I tried to make her happy. I get zilch.

But, alas, I have fallen into complacent rabbit mode, and I have become the robot prodigal son. While I will try my best to not go to school until I want, if something does not happen by next summer, I know what I will be forced to do. I will probably have to give up everything temporarily to get an associate's degree.

While I can deal with that, I don't think I can deal with my parents for another full year.

I am hoping for a job, but I do not know if I can get one, I have high hopes, but really, honestly, I'm gonna give up soon on getting a job that is not in the fast food industry. I really don't want to get a job in the fast food industry. I would have to wear a hairnet and I'll go home smelling like grease everyday, just ugh.

Beggars can't be choosers, as much as we try.

But if I can get a job this month, and I may, then I can get a cellphone, and Straight Talk, which has unlimited data (though I may have to do some research on how much unlimited is unlimited)., so I'll be on as soon as I can.

Also, I'm hoping to use my unlimited data to make money. Side money at least. There is slicethepie, OpinionOutpost, Songbay (which I'm not sure is trustworthy or not), and a cyberprostitution site which I will not say the name of but it is very interesting, and I'm thinking about selling some adoptables, but I will have to have a talk with :iconkuroya-ken: about it since I am a traditional artist, and adoptables are best done digitally. Though I do think they may be well accepted. They are called Luffbuggs. I am also thinking of lyrical commissions though I think I should get someone to sing at least one of my songs before I go about doing that.


Please pray for me, or hope, or continue sacrificing whatever (as long as it isn't penguins) to ancient bloodstarved deities of your choice.

Also, send your prayers to those of Indonesia. They are now suffering. Do whatever you can. Even if all you can do is pray and hope.
I've honestly been thinking about running away.

Last night, my mother yelled at me, and instead of finally having my mental breakdown and giving her her day of reckoning she deserves, I became a complacent rabbit once again.

My mom has apparently noticed my growing resentment to her and my father. How uncontrollable it has gotten, though, honestly, if you guys were forced to live 24/7 with two people who just got more and more annoying as time went along, then you'd feel the same way, I believe. I've been getting slowly fed up with them since we started to move last year.

However, my mom yelled at me, as she yells at my brother or sister. She said everything would change next year. The first. I do not want to be around. Yes. I want to run away without any goddamn money or anything. Maybe not anything. I still want to bring the things close to me. Though I doubt my ability to bring along my PS3 and Wii. Well mainly my PS3. That thing is a huge monster.

But yeah, she wants to force me to go to school, when I really don't want to. She also said if I have a job, I'll be paying rent. At the start of the year I'll be doing my own laundry as well, as apparently, I'll be doing all the cleaning around here now.

I am not paying rent to that bitch. I am not cleaning this bitch's house. I'm doing anything here because it is not my home.

I'm thinking about doing it the weekend of Yamacon. Mainly because that is the only time I can do it discreetly. Or maybe not discreetly, but get away with it. I couldn't really get away with it anytime else. Maybe I could, but it would take a lot longer. If I did it during Yamacon, I could be in another state by the time my parents knew what was wrong. Or at least, I'd have a head start.

I can deal with this, since my mother yelling at me sends me into complacent rabbit mode, I can stay like this for a week, and pretend it until I run away.

I wish I was my brother or sister. They have the bravery to stand up to my mother. I am the coward. I cannot find it in me. I can be brave and confident anywhere else, but I guess that is because, anywhere else, I am me. Here I am just some ghost. I'm just a husk of myself. I am not this creative confident young man who wears high heels, wants to wear lolita and all of that. I am just a complacent rabbit.

My mother says the way my life is, it is not her fault. Well if there is anything I can blame on her, it is the way I feel about her. She calls me fat, then teases me about my diet. She calls me stupid when she says she tired of anyone else calling her stupid. She acts like a "know it all" when she says that is the type of person she hates most is "know it alls". When I resist getting something I want, she acts like a brat, and sometime soon after that, she brings home a million plants.

I'm tired of this, and if I'm here to deal with this much longer something bad is gonna happen. I can probably deal with it, just a little longer, but I'm not going to be here. I fucking won't. I don't care if I'll be homeless. No, not homeless. Houseless. I'll be houseless. Home is where the heart is. My heart is not in this fucking house. This fucking trailer where I have been trapped. And I am unfortunately not suffering some familial stockholm syndrome.

I'll leave my parents with all my goddamn waste of money that is my school loans to pay back. That is their punishment, alongside their loss of a son. Though I'll admit, the boy they loved? He died. He is fucking dead. He has been dad for at least a few months now. At most? A year. Maybe three. I know he started to die when his sister moved in at the beginning of 2011.

I am still not thoroughly sure if I can do it. You just don't run right into these things.

Though, I can have my freedom if I run away. I am not myself. I'm going to be forced to do things I do not want. My mom wants to make herself happy. I think I should've seen the very first warning sign. The very first warning sign was in the November 2012. When I fucking begged my mother to let me take a break from classes the Spring semester. Instead, she listens to my grandmother, and I am forced to go to school, where I failed trigonometry and felt so betrayed, I didn't really want to do anything. Maybe if I had gotten to take my break when I wanted to, I would be in Johnson City, with a boyfriend, with some lolita, being myself.

Not to mention I fucked up immensely by picking the wrong major. I'm in the major where I could do 3-D character modeling. I don't want to do that. I want to be the concept artist.

I'm not brave enough to face up and talk to my mom.... but am I being brave or cowardly by even thinking of running away? I know what I would face.

I'm not sure where I would run away to. I know not Apalachicola. They would expect that. I'm thinking Nashville, because they wouldn't expect it and I could stay here, with all my friends.

Whatever happens, just wish me luck. I'll tell you guys if I run away, of course. You guys are important to me. You guys have helped me through the past few years. You guys have never called me fat. You guys have never called me stupid. You guys always made me happy.

I'm sure I have something in me that'll help. I am a smart person. I'm smart enough to know that running away is a stupid ass decision. But I'm smart enough to know that if I stay here, with two fuckers who are not going to treat me right, I will kill them.

My heart is heavy. Maybe I've already made my decision. I just hope I have the bravery, the balls to go through with it. but I don't want to run away. I don't want to ruin my life.

But I honestly know, I hate them two fuckers. There are days where I think if they died in a car crash I'd be really happy.
Hey guys! Once again, I'm here at the library. Just a few updates.

Not much new in my life. Honestly, though, it is rather tough.


Since my father is unemployed he has taken over everything my mom used to do. So nothing really feels clean as it used to be, and the food isn't as good, and I honestly hate to say it, but I miss the days Dad came home and bitched about everything. Nowadays, it is just silence with some outbursts of how good the food is. And it sounds so damn stupid. I cannot get through a dinner without feeling the need to stab myself in the leg with a fork.

And something the other day, really pissed me off. I could barely resisted setting this trailer on fire. As a poor as fuck folk, my mother invented hand-me-ups. So, all of my immediate family (my father, mother, brother, and sister) all have at least one old garment of mine. This causes a lot of trouble with laundry, even worse when my brother comes to stay.

I had a cute shirt. It was black with a Boo from Mario and "BOO!" written above it. I wore it a week or few ago, I think. Anyways, I noticed that despite having gone through a few loads of laundry, the boo shirt hadn't made its way back into my dresser. Noticing this, I felt a growing anger. Because I know when clothing mysteriously disappears, it is going to someone else's dresser. So, when my father went to go pick up my mom Monday, I decided to dig around their room. I found the shirt, just sitting on top of the vanity dresser. Just fucking sitting there. Not even hidden.

I know I didn't where that shirt as often as my other shirts, but my mom took it without asking. She didn't even fucking bother. She didn't even tell me. The shirt was just removed from my inventory without my knowledge.

Yes, I really wanted to burn down the house. Mainly because, I do not really see them as my parents much anymore. Just two annoying roommates, who happened to give birth to me. Though my tolerance for my father has risen, it is not by much. My mother is still horrible and I don't really know what to say about her. It isn't that I do not know what to say about her, I just have way too much to say.

My most recent fantasy, is me running away to Atlanta to become an actor. Though my main problem is that I'm not sure if I pack away all of my important things. I think I can. Though I am not sure if I can easily run away. Despite the fact I due hate my parents currently, and I'm close to a mental breakdown sometimes and I want a day of reckoning for my parents, where I tell them every single thing wrong with them, and top it all off with telling them I am a homosexual, and I enjoy crossdressing.


I'm putting in more job applications today. I'm reapplying for Goody's, and applying for Panera Bread and Starbucks, and maybe a few other places. I may also submit my lyrics to some places, though I may resist, since I have no money, and when I submitted my lyrics to Paramount, they sent back a contract that just asked for me to spend money. I have a feeling I could've just sent in "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and replaced every instance of the word star with the word fuck, and they would've sent me a contract.


I'm hoping my life gets better, just a little bit. I'm thinking about giving up on getting a decent job I want and accepting the fact I may have to apply for a fast food job.

But art updates.

By the time I have far more stable internet, I will have a lot of stuff.

Throne of Lips will definately be finished.
Dreampunk and Miss Congeniality may be finished.
1-5 new albums may be finished. Though the only ones I know may be finished will TRASHPOP, Bad News, and an album currently working under the name of "That Boy is Dead".
I will probably have at least sixty drawings, which will be uploaded in chronological order.
Insatiable Anorexia will have at least one more chapter done. At most? Maybe quite a few.
A few short stories may or may not be done.
Like millions of photographs.
At least one poem.
Maybe the start of a few other long lasting prose series.


Hope to see you guys soon. Have a happy Halloween guys.

Also, if you have any interest, my local news station, WJHL/Channel 11, is doing a story call Last Stripper Standing around 6PM eastern time. I think with how streaming is an all  that crap, anyone can view.

Just a spoiler alert: I'm the last stripper standing. I'm a hot blond named Chestnut Praline Latte.
http://media.tumblr.com/033ff4c221c1b1d301c06476b575204a/tumblr_inline_mqrns9xHMl1qz4rgp.gif
Ciao for now.
My life is a little better though I still don't have internet, however we are visiting the library more so that I may be to do FE:BtS roleplay. Not much else though.

My private life is a little better as well. My dad isn't as much as an alocholic now since he is forced to stay home now, due to unemployment. My mom is still a bitch and she doesn't know how much she has ruined my life, and I think she wants to ruin it more.

Honestly I don't want to go back to school until I can move out of this house and be myself.

But here is how I feel about my dad's unemployment.

Dad: "How long have I been unemployed now?"

Me: http://media.tumblr.com/e454ebe8c774c07af57b9c4a8534c591/tumblr_inline_mfifjku8CI1qk772c.gif

Dad: "About three or four weeks?"

Me: http://media.tumblr.com/e454ebe8c774c07af57b9c4a8534c591/tumblr_inline_mfifjku8CI1qk772c.gif

That is how I generally feel, since he screwed up my schedule.

But I am trying, and it looks like I am succeeding just a little.


Not sure how to feel about dA's changes, but dA has stopped listening to us since lolly left. And I've admitted before I'm staying here for friends, and if dA is crap... well it's crap.

Pray or hope or sacrifice to ancient bloodstarved deities so I can get a job guys!

Also, art update:
Thrones of Lips is nearly finished
I have other albums nearly finished
LOTS OF FUCKING POETRY
LOTS OF DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHY
LOTS OF SHIT, AN ART DUMP
Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated my journal in a while. I have been on at the library every week. I just didn't really want to fill up the feed with useless stufff about how sad my life is, haha.

That's why I'm going to try and keep it happy and hopeful from now on. I'm at my best friend's house right now. I'll probably going to be putting in a few job applications and some other things.

I do have one bit of bad news. I'm not going to Yamacon. That is a little bit unfortunate, but it isn't my fault. I was also kind of expecting something to screw up. But it doesn't effect me all that much. I really wanted to go, but it isn't extremely disappointing.

SOOO... Some good news on the creative fronts.

Throne of Lips is actually 95% finished. Just need to draft three more songs and it'll be finished.

I can't say the same for Dreampunk or Miss Congeniality, but they're technically halfway finished, or close to halfway.

TRASHPOP and Bad News are also more than halfway finished. The progress on That Boy is Dead is kind of slow, but it is probably going to be my favorite work, and really, it is very raw. I am barely drafting some of the songs on it.

As for non-lyrical poetry, you guys will probably at least get two poems. The two I know you guys will be getting is: Pharmacy and Chanel No.5. Others you may be getting is: Egoiste by Chanel, I didn't know freedom was a motel ceiling, and Shiny Red Corvette. I have others but I am not sure about them as I am about these.

Prose. I've been lazy on working on prose.

Though I do feel like writing some really epic things.


First, the most important, is Insatiable Anorexia. I promise at least three chapters. Though that may be the most I can promise, since I need a Facebook account to see how it works and use that to further the story. But I know what I want to do with it and where everything is going.

Secondly, DYSE. I am thinking about reviving it. I am rather obsessed with it and keep going back to it in my head. I really want to write it and maybe finished it. Though I am tempted to keep it off of dA and write it private and publish it online. Or maybe write the "drafts" for dA and change a few things for the actually published novel.

Thirdly, The Strife. Or also, my new Smash Brothers fanfic. While I am doing some random writing here and there, I really want to wait on it until I have SM4SH. Though honestly despite the fact that the game is supposed to be more cartoony and other things, this is seriously going to be really adult in some parts. I blame Stephan King as my main influence of writing. But there is some creepy stuff here. Though I want to keep some surprises, here is some stuff to look forward to:
The reappearance of Young Link.
The female villager will emulate Joanne Rivers ("Can we talk?").
Professor Layton.
The moon from Majora's Mask will also be reappearing. With a dramatic entrance, I may say.
PEACH STEALTH SKILLS.

Okay that is all you guys are getting.

I am working here and there on smaller stories, but really I am lazy.

DRAWINGS, YES?

I decided to take up drawing everyday this month... or drawing 31 pictures across this month.

But when I start uploading thing, I'll be uploading everything in chronological order, so you'll actually be able to tell my progress, starting from the stuff I made in the January of this year and little bit before that.

As for photography... Yeah just expect that to explode when I finally am able to upload that.

For some recent non-art news, I have become obsessed with DRAMAtical Murder and DRAMAtical Murder: Reconnect. Like, oh my god, they are so amazing, everyone has to get them. Now. DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE CENSORED PENISES, DMMD IS AMAZING.

Also, I've finally go to download and listen to Ultaviolence by lana Del Rey. Amazing album, though different from both Born to Die and Pradise, so it understandble if you do not like it. Also I have the soundtrack to DMMD. Also amazing.

I've been able to download some anime. Papa to Kiss in the Dark and Gakuen Heaven. I thought I'd feel more ashamed about Papa to Kiss in the dark, but honestly, the amount of sex in it is kind of overexposed. And it isn't graphic.

And to end this journal... I present you guys some of my favorite GIFs.

https://33.media.tumblr.com/ea0a44679d2257977e1365e909a8562a/tumblr_nd5vllLvYq1r6vy8ho2_250.gif photo Who_zps927776d3.gif

https://31.media.tumblr.com/8e473fe722f846f79f5da6cd386a38cf/tumblr_inline_n3a67gLi841soi798.jpghttps://24.media.tumblr.com/87e9d785c2e0e5f6f872a7bdd0f2459a/tumblr_mp7tttaPKg1rr9hnvo6_r2_250.gifhttp://media.tumblr.com/89e9e1772745e8f9a1493bbf6fce155d/tumblr_mowstb0Z1z1r7t6nko1_400.gif
http://media.tumblr.com/c014399f361b0d6d25943a2f3dd87f3f/tumblr_inline_mx8n27zLwb1qif8ex.gif
http://24.media.tumblr.com/61a6832476a5385599ba11dfb4f50197/tumblr_mouuifEh541qg479eo1_500.jpghttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpc4v17hit1qbvovho1_500.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/7b2d735992b7ca8975f8dae25922de2a/tumblr_msrxxnMPsW1rvvk8yo1_500.gifhttp://media.tumblr.com/df2f3e9d97bac692178e2362e7d4e0d2/tumblr_inline_mu1bjivS931qkidaw.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/16117a04f0a7bf78f965b882474ee148/tumblr_ml6cjgUFYh1rf12uto1_250.gif

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UltimaMage578
Seeka
United States
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:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014   Writer
Thank you for the favorite. <3 Your webcam made me giggle. c:
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:iconpa3kpanda:
pa3kpanda Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave!!
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:iconij386:
ij386 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your webcam is hilarious!
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:iconultimamage578:
UltimaMage578 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014
Thanks!
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:iconpa3kpanda:
pa3kpanda Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for the fave!
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Yami08 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
thanks for the fav!! :D
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Mishberries Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014
Hey Seeka, Thank you so much for the fave :heart: Really appreciate it!
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:iconultimamage578:
UltimaMage578 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014
Welcomes!
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Queen-Kitty Featured By Owner May 20, 2014   Photographer
Thank you for the favorites!  I'm glad you enjoyed them!
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BlackBowfin Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hey there, thank you for faving Too Data-Sexy.  It's much appreciated.
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